What satisfies you?

I think I could watch this video over and over again. There is so much in it that resonates in my soul.

About 4 weeks ago I was sitting on my bed on a Saturday afternoon. I looked down, and I was covered in blood. And the first thing I thought was, we lost this baby, too. I ran to the bathroom while yelling across the house to Matt. After a quick call to one of my nurse friends, we were in the car on the way to the hospital. We were silent for a little bit, but then I asked Matt to pray. He prayed to God, pleading for the safety of our baby, but also telling God that we loved Him and trusted Him. After he was done, I said that if losing this baby is what God has in store for us, then it's what we want. And then I wondered, where in the world did that come from?

We arrived at the hospital and were taken into the same room where we had our second ultrasound in November and made the decision there to have a D & C. I was a scared of history repeating itself. Yet, there was this peace inside my soul that I knew whatever happens, God is the same. And as John Piper put it, God is enough. He is big enough to take care of whatever is going on, even if taking care of it means that I lose my baby.

The good news is that the baby is OK and we will find out more about my low-lying placenta in the weeks to come. But the better news is that God is in control and I am not. I still feel this anxiousness rise up in me from time to time. But I try to bring myself back to that day 4 weeks ago and to feel the boldness that was in my heart and the peace in my soul.

I pray that I will strive daily to find satisfaction in the only thing that is for sure - God. That regardless of what happens with this baby, with my life in general, that I will be able to make God look glorious.