Able

There are a lot of things that people have said to me in the past four months that have been very encouraging, and also some that have not been very helpful.  Even the things that I know are true, like that fact that Graham is in a much better place, that he feels much better, that what has happened to our family has ministered to others, doesn't always help when all I want is to see my Graham again.  I feel so bad saying that, and I can't believe I'm writing this out.  But 1) I am a pretty honest person and it's hard for me not to share things and 2) I want to really do a good job representing how this grief journey has played out in my life.

There is one statement, though, that I have heard many times that I have to speak up about.  God doesn't give us more than we can handle.  Oh friends, let me just tell you, God definitely gives us more than we can handle.  If God only gave me what I can handle then I would have nothing.  Because, by myself, I can't do anything.  I am not strong.  I am not able.

Praise the Lord that He is.  That Christ in me, is.  Check out Ephesians 3:20 -

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,

I find myself playing through everything that has happened to us in the past 8 months often.  And, geez louise, it's a lot of stuff.  I just re-read our CaringBridge website the other day and it takes my breath away every time.  And I just cry and cry.  There is no way that I, in my flesh, could have stood up under the weight of it all.  But God has been so faithful to us. 

When we are weak (always), He is strong (always).  

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

30

I am one spoiled 30 year old!  Today has been a great day, which I owe much of that to my sweet husband. 

First, I walked into work to this scene:

My co-worker friends decorated my office, and Matt contributed the poster hanging on the front of my desk.  Let me give you a close-up of the poster pics.

For the third year in a row, our office celebrated May birthdays on my actual birthday.  So, I got to enjoy a yummy breakfast with my co-workers, which is always a fun way to start the workday.

After work I headed to Parker's school and picked him up. His teacher helped remind him to give me a card, which included a homemade coupon.

Matt told me that when he asked Parker what he wanted to get me for my birthday, he said clothes.  Um, that's my boy.  Anyways, he specifically wanted to get me a pink dress, purple shoes, and an orange shirt.  Matt decided to put a limit on it and just let Parker get me a pink dress.

Matt had told me that Parker and I couldn't come home until 6:15, so we went shopping right then.  That didn't leave us a ton of time, so we just went across the street to Walmart and ended up being successful in our quest for a pink dress.  It was a simple bathing suit cover-up, which I needed anyways.

When we got home at 6:15 we walked into a group of friends there to surprise me with a dinner party.

Matt made some super yummy salmon and tilapia, while our friends brought sides of rice and asparagus.  They also brought their dishes on a plate for me to keep for my plate wall.  Fun!  The kids enjoyed their grilled cheese sandwiches and fruit. 

The cake was a stack of brownies - my favorite!

 

And why wouldn't I have a birthday party without a little dance party in the hallway?

Last but not least, Matt got me my very first pair of Toms (really late to the game, I know).  I love them and the color.  Perfect!

All in all, today has been a great day that has just reminded me how much I am blessed with sweet family and friends.  I've told several people today that I feel like I deserve 30.  It doesn't weird me out or scare me.  I've felt 30 for awhile now, and now I can finally claim it.

Wordless Wednesday

Because there really are no words for this...

Remembering

Pinterest and I have become good friends lately.  I love looking on there for craft inspirations, new recipes, and kid's activities.  There are also several quotes that I enjoy reading. 

I saw this thought and pinned it immediately:

I have always had a desire to journal, but have never had the follow-through.  I get so caught up in writing down every single detail and after about a week of doing that, I get overwhelmed with the thought of doing any more.  And I when I say every single detail, I mean - what I ate, who was there, who wasn't there, what color my shirt was, etc.  I am an oversharer (word?) - even in my journals.

I saw this idea on Pinterest and my interest was definitely piqued:

I love this idea because it definitely limits how much you can write, but it does encourage you to write something about every day.  And I also like the idea that every day (after the first year is recorded), that you can look back on what you were doing the years prior. 

Even though Pinterest has inspired me to get my "craft-on" lately, I didn't really have the desire to put this daily calendar together.

So, enter this:

I saw this little book of awesomeness in Barnes & Noble the other day and realized how perfect it was for me. 

Each day I can record 6 lines worth of information about what that day held for me.  I started writing in it yesterday, but decided to start journaling in it on the 15th, our anniversary.  The funny thing is that as I started writing down small notes about each day there are several things I couldn't remember.  And that was only 4 days prior!  Yeesh!

I've always prided myself with having a good memory, but as time has gone by, and - yes - as I have gotten older, I find myself forgetting more and more.  I've also heard - and experienced - that grief takes a toll on your memory.  There are so many things that I definitely should remember that slip my mind all the time.  I think my mind is so preoccupied with thoughts of Graham that there is no room for anything else.

So, here's to blogging more, journaling more, and, in turn, remembering more!

Roadtrippin'

Yesterday my parents came up to visit us and brought along their Texas Highways magazine.  In it, Mom had read about a taco joint in Godley, TX, which turned out to not be too far from our house.  So, all 5 of us jumped in the car and decided to head down to Godley.  Before we tried out some yummy Mexican food, though, we decided to drive a little bit farther to Granbury since none of us have ever been there before.

We stumbled upon their delightful town square area.

Parker climbed up on this statue and decided to read the words to us.  Did you know that the statue says, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6?"

The square was surrounded by lots of little shops with all sorts of odds and ends.  We might have enjoyed slowly going through all of the shops if someone would have better understood the phrase, "Look with your eyes, not with your hands."

Matt. ;)

Parker made a friend!

Walking around the town square and window shopping sure takes a lot out of you, so we were already ready to jump back in the car and head to our original destination.  However, we decided that we would definitely like to come back and visit Granbury again.  Especially after driving by the public "beach" on Lake Granbury.  Seems like such a cute little town with lots to explore.

It then took us about 20 minutes to get to Del Norte Tacos in Godley.  The town is just as big as it sounds.  I believe that stoplight in the background of the picture is the only one in town.  However, after one look at the menu we realized we had made a good decision.

The Saturday special was the pork ribs, and Mom just couldn't say no. 

Dad ordered the chicken enchiladas.  I had a bite and they were delicious.  And check out the presentation, too!

Matt ordered the chile relleno.  The magazine said If the tacos are worth a daytrip, then the chile relleno is almost worth an overnighter.  I think Matt would agree.

Compared to everyone else's plates, I definitely kept it simple.  Their tacos were awesome, though, and I may or may not have dreamt about them last night.

And not to be left out, Parker ordered the cheese enchiladas.  He kept complaining that they were too hot (spice-wise) even though there was nothing on or in them but cheese.  However, he thoroughly enjoyed the rice and a bag of chips.

That's one satisfied customer right there.

It is always fun to see my parents, and even moreso when we get to discover something new together.  I would say our roadtrippin' adventure was worth it, and I'm definitely already thinking of reasons why we need to drive 30 minutes to the middle of nowhere for some Del Norte Tacos.

Wordless Wednesday

8 years

8 years ago today I made one of the best decisions of my life - second only to deciding to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  I married the man of my dreams.  I still look back and thank God that even my 21-year-old immature self was able to make the best decision on who I would share the rest of my life with. 

There hasn't been a day that's gone by when I haven't realized how very blessed I am to have Matt in my life.  This past year - our 8th year - has been our best yet.  We have gone through things that we never would have imagined when we were smiling for that picture above, but it has only brought us closer to our Lord, and closer to each other.  I have seen my man stand up and stand strong for our family, even in the midst of these dark days. 

And now - for our 8th anniversary - 8 reasons why I love Matt:

1.  He loves me unconditionally.  Really.  I know it's hard for many of you to imagine (wink, wink), but I am hard to deal with sometimes.  I'm a bit bossy, and can get cranky/moody fairly quickly.  But Matt deals with it with such grace and he even tells me that he thinks it cute when I'm cranky - which makes me even more cranky! Ha!

2.  He is an amazing father.  He loves both of our boys so well.  He is always willing to play with Parker - even if it means playing "Break the Ice" for the forty-first time.  But he is also willing to do the hard stuff, too.  He is the one who has to go in with Parker for the things I am too wussy for: blood draws, shots, dentist appointments, etc.  He was the one who had to deal with some really hard things surrounding the death of our Graham.  And he does those things without complaining.

3.  He's really handsome.

Enough said.

4.  He is so great at helping out around the house.  Who am I kidding?  He does most of the day-to-day duties around the house, like washing the dishes, laundry, etc.  He serves our family with such a humble spirit.  And it makes it much easier for me to forgive him for leaving all of the cabinets open in our kitchen. ;)

5.  Even though he is a bit of a homebody by nature, he knows that I need to keep busy and get out of the house.  So, he is always willing to go on adventures and outings with Parker and I, even when I know he'd rather be chilling at home.

6.  He is the head of our household, but leads us with a servant's heart.  He is obedient to the call that God has placed on his life and is following it with reckless abandon.  At the same time, though, he has been diligent in making sure that our family is all "on board" and realizes that the call God has placed on him is and must be that the call that he has placed on our family, too.

7.  He is definitely the more serious one in our relationship, but I love it when he surprises me by doing something funny/goofy.  Or joining in with me for some silly antics.

8.  He's all mine.  I'm so thankful for this gift that God gave me 8 years ago.  And I'm so excited that, God-willing, I get to spend many, many more years with him.  I know that with him by my side, life will always be half as hard and twice as good. 

Mother's Day

I know it's only half-way over, but this Mother's Day has been pretty great. 

It all started when Matt and Parker woke me up with this:

Can I just say - Best. Gift. Ever.  This was a total surprise and such a perfect gift.  When my friend Sarah lost her daughter Brittyn, I made a frame for her with Brittyn's handprints & footprints, name, and birthdate.  After I was done I told Matt that I don't know why I haven't done something like that for myself.  We were able to get several sets of Graham's handprints and footprints, but we hadn't really done anything with them yet.  One thing that's held me back from doing several things like this, though, is that I don't just want all these special things/tokens of remembrance just for Graham.  I know I have Parker here with me everyday, but I want him to realize that he matters to me just as much as Graham does.  So, this gift definitely covers all of those bases.  I love that it has BOTH of my boys' names and handprints. 

And really, we all know who made this for me.  My sweet hubby, Matt, couldn't be better.  But I'll gush on him soon enough. ;)

They also went and picked out the beads for me, and then made this beautiful necklace:

I'm not in love with this picture of me, but it shows the necklace off well.  My boys are so thoughtful and know that you can never go wrong with red accessories (not pictured: my red shoes!).

We also had a chance to go to The Vantage for Matt to preach this morning.  We go once a month to a local retirement home where we lead worship and then Matt brings a message.  It has been such a sweet time for our family every month and, of course, everyone LOVES Parker and begs him for hugs and kisses every time we go.  We went and bought some carnations yesterday for all the ladies who were present and Parker loved handing them out while telling them, "Happy Mother's Day!"  I meant to take pictures of it, but got distracted by helping him complete his task, but here's a pic of the flowers:

I was telling Parker this morning in the car that he was so special because he is the little boy who actually made me a Momma.  I thanked him for giving me the gift of motherhood.  I am so blessed by both my boys in different ways.  Parker started me on this crazy journey of motherhood and Graham has helped me realize how out-of-control this journey is.  Both of my boys belong first and foremost to God.  I just get a small amount of time with them and hope that I am able to point them towards Christ and help them seek to glorify Him in all they do.