Remembering

Pinterest and I have become good friends lately.  I love looking on there for craft inspirations, new recipes, and kid's activities.  There are also several quotes that I enjoy reading. 

I saw this thought and pinned it immediately:

I have always had a desire to journal, but have never had the follow-through.  I get so caught up in writing down every single detail and after about a week of doing that, I get overwhelmed with the thought of doing any more.  And I when I say every single detail, I mean - what I ate, who was there, who wasn't there, what color my shirt was, etc.  I am an oversharer (word?) - even in my journals.

I saw this idea on Pinterest and my interest was definitely piqued:

I love this idea because it definitely limits how much you can write, but it does encourage you to write something about every day.  And I also like the idea that every day (after the first year is recorded), that you can look back on what you were doing the years prior. 

Even though Pinterest has inspired me to get my "craft-on" lately, I didn't really have the desire to put this daily calendar together.

So, enter this:

I saw this little book of awesomeness in Barnes & Noble the other day and realized how perfect it was for me. 

Each day I can record 6 lines worth of information about what that day held for me.  I started writing in it yesterday, but decided to start journaling in it on the 15th, our anniversary.  The funny thing is that as I started writing down small notes about each day there are several things I couldn't remember.  And that was only 4 days prior!  Yeesh!

I've always prided myself with having a good memory, but as time has gone by, and - yes - as I have gotten older, I find myself forgetting more and more.  I've also heard - and experienced - that grief takes a toll on your memory.  There are so many things that I definitely should remember that slip my mind all the time.  I think my mind is so preoccupied with thoughts of Graham that there is no room for anything else.

So, here's to blogging more, journaling more, and, in turn, remembering more!

Roadtrippin'

Yesterday my parents came up to visit us and brought along their Texas Highways magazine.  In it, Mom had read about a taco joint in Godley, TX, which turned out to not be too far from our house.  So, all 5 of us jumped in the car and decided to head down to Godley.  Before we tried out some yummy Mexican food, though, we decided to drive a little bit farther to Granbury since none of us have ever been there before.

We stumbled upon their delightful town square area.

Parker climbed up on this statue and decided to read the words to us.  Did you know that the statue says, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6?"

The square was surrounded by lots of little shops with all sorts of odds and ends.  We might have enjoyed slowly going through all of the shops if someone would have better understood the phrase, "Look with your eyes, not with your hands."

Matt. ;)

Parker made a friend!

Walking around the town square and window shopping sure takes a lot out of you, so we were already ready to jump back in the car and head to our original destination.  However, we decided that we would definitely like to come back and visit Granbury again.  Especially after driving by the public "beach" on Lake Granbury.  Seems like such a cute little town with lots to explore.

It then took us about 20 minutes to get to Del Norte Tacos in Godley.  The town is just as big as it sounds.  I believe that stoplight in the background of the picture is the only one in town.  However, after one look at the menu we realized we had made a good decision.

The Saturday special was the pork ribs, and Mom just couldn't say no. 

Dad ordered the chicken enchiladas.  I had a bite and they were delicious.  And check out the presentation, too!

Matt ordered the chile relleno.  The magazine said If the tacos are worth a daytrip, then the chile relleno is almost worth an overnighter.  I think Matt would agree.

Compared to everyone else's plates, I definitely kept it simple.  Their tacos were awesome, though, and I may or may not have dreamt about them last night.

And not to be left out, Parker ordered the cheese enchiladas.  He kept complaining that they were too hot (spice-wise) even though there was nothing on or in them but cheese.  However, he thoroughly enjoyed the rice and a bag of chips.

That's one satisfied customer right there.

It is always fun to see my parents, and even moreso when we get to discover something new together.  I would say our roadtrippin' adventure was worth it, and I'm definitely already thinking of reasons why we need to drive 30 minutes to the middle of nowhere for some Del Norte Tacos.

Wordless Wednesday

8 years

8 years ago today I made one of the best decisions of my life - second only to deciding to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  I married the man of my dreams.  I still look back and thank God that even my 21-year-old immature self was able to make the best decision on who I would share the rest of my life with. 

There hasn't been a day that's gone by when I haven't realized how very blessed I am to have Matt in my life.  This past year - our 8th year - has been our best yet.  We have gone through things that we never would have imagined when we were smiling for that picture above, but it has only brought us closer to our Lord, and closer to each other.  I have seen my man stand up and stand strong for our family, even in the midst of these dark days. 

And now - for our 8th anniversary - 8 reasons why I love Matt:

1.  He loves me unconditionally.  Really.  I know it's hard for many of you to imagine (wink, wink), but I am hard to deal with sometimes.  I'm a bit bossy, and can get cranky/moody fairly quickly.  But Matt deals with it with such grace and he even tells me that he thinks it cute when I'm cranky - which makes me even more cranky! Ha!

2.  He is an amazing father.  He loves both of our boys so well.  He is always willing to play with Parker - even if it means playing "Break the Ice" for the forty-first time.  But he is also willing to do the hard stuff, too.  He is the one who has to go in with Parker for the things I am too wussy for: blood draws, shots, dentist appointments, etc.  He was the one who had to deal with some really hard things surrounding the death of our Graham.  And he does those things without complaining.

3.  He's really handsome.

Enough said.

4.  He is so great at helping out around the house.  Who am I kidding?  He does most of the day-to-day duties around the house, like washing the dishes, laundry, etc.  He serves our family with such a humble spirit.  And it makes it much easier for me to forgive him for leaving all of the cabinets open in our kitchen. ;)

5.  Even though he is a bit of a homebody by nature, he knows that I need to keep busy and get out of the house.  So, he is always willing to go on adventures and outings with Parker and I, even when I know he'd rather be chilling at home.

6.  He is the head of our household, but leads us with a servant's heart.  He is obedient to the call that God has placed on his life and is following it with reckless abandon.  At the same time, though, he has been diligent in making sure that our family is all "on board" and realizes that the call God has placed on him is and must be that the call that he has placed on our family, too.

7.  He is definitely the more serious one in our relationship, but I love it when he surprises me by doing something funny/goofy.  Or joining in with me for some silly antics.

8.  He's all mine.  I'm so thankful for this gift that God gave me 8 years ago.  And I'm so excited that, God-willing, I get to spend many, many more years with him.  I know that with him by my side, life will always be half as hard and twice as good. 

Mother's Day

I know it's only half-way over, but this Mother's Day has been pretty great. 

It all started when Matt and Parker woke me up with this:

Can I just say - Best. Gift. Ever.  This was a total surprise and such a perfect gift.  When my friend Sarah lost her daughter Brittyn, I made a frame for her with Brittyn's handprints & footprints, name, and birthdate.  After I was done I told Matt that I don't know why I haven't done something like that for myself.  We were able to get several sets of Graham's handprints and footprints, but we hadn't really done anything with them yet.  One thing that's held me back from doing several things like this, though, is that I don't just want all these special things/tokens of remembrance just for Graham.  I know I have Parker here with me everyday, but I want him to realize that he matters to me just as much as Graham does.  So, this gift definitely covers all of those bases.  I love that it has BOTH of my boys' names and handprints. 

And really, we all know who made this for me.  My sweet hubby, Matt, couldn't be better.  But I'll gush on him soon enough. ;)

They also went and picked out the beads for me, and then made this beautiful necklace:

I'm not in love with this picture of me, but it shows the necklace off well.  My boys are so thoughtful and know that you can never go wrong with red accessories (not pictured: my red shoes!).

We also had a chance to go to The Vantage for Matt to preach this morning.  We go once a month to a local retirement home where we lead worship and then Matt brings a message.  It has been such a sweet time for our family every month and, of course, everyone LOVES Parker and begs him for hugs and kisses every time we go.  We went and bought some carnations yesterday for all the ladies who were present and Parker loved handing them out while telling them, "Happy Mother's Day!"  I meant to take pictures of it, but got distracted by helping him complete his task, but here's a pic of the flowers:

I was telling Parker this morning in the car that he was so special because he is the little boy who actually made me a Momma.  I thanked him for giving me the gift of motherhood.  I am so blessed by both my boys in different ways.  Parker started me on this crazy journey of motherhood and Graham has helped me realize how out-of-control this journey is.  Both of my boys belong first and foremost to God.  I just get a small amount of time with them and hope that I am able to point them towards Christ and help them seek to glorify Him in all they do.

Random Thoughts

I feel the need to blog, but I'm not quite sure what I want to say. It's just been one of those weeks. So, in an effort to keep you updated but where I don't feel like I have to be super-eloquent, here's a list of thoughts:

-Matt and I decided last night that Parker needs to be "Super-Why" for Halloween. Not because he loves the show, but rather because he is the king of asking Why? questions.
Exhibit A:
Parker, it's time to eat.
Why?
Because it’s dinnertime and we’re having pasta
But why are we having pasta?
Because you really like it and it’s yummy.
But why do I really like it?
Um, I don’t know. Why do you like pasta, Parker?
Because I do.
Right.
We picked up Parker from church on Sunday night and they said, “Boy, he sure does love to ask questions, doesn’t he?” Um, yes.

-We received both Parker’s and Graham’s birth certificates in the mail today. When we received Graham’s death certificate in the mail I told Matt that I really wanted to order his birth certificate, too. There was no way I wanted to only have his death certificate. And, like the awesome parents that we are, we had never ordered Parker’s birth certificate either. So, both of them came in today and it was tough to see the stamp that said “Deceased” on Graham’s. I had heard they might do that through some blogs that I read, but was hoping that wasn’t the case for Texas. Oh well.

-The month of May is pretty much the best month in my little world. Mother’s Day this Sunday, mine and Matt’s 8th anniversary this upcoming Tuesday (the 15th), and then – watch out – my 30th birthday on the 24th. I am excited about celebrating these occasions with my family, and it seems like we have some fun stuff in the works. There is much to look forward to right now.

-Speaking of Mother’s Day, I am hoping it is a good day for me. Thankfully I still have Parker here with me, but I am not sure yet how I will feel on that day without both of my boys. I am so thankful that the Lord has given me the chance to be a mother to 2 sweet boys. But there are some people who will be having a very hard time this Sunday. The women who long so badly to be a mother, but are unable to for a number of reasons. The women who are mothers, but their baby and/or babies are not here with them anymore. The women who are missing their own mothers. Would you join with me in being mindful of and praying for those who will be struggling to smile or celebrate on this Mother’s Day?

Three months

I can't believe it's already been 3 months.  And I can't believe it's only been 3 months.

Sweet Graham,

It has been a long 3 months since I last saw you.  I miss you so much sometimes I feel as though I can hardly catch my breath.  I miss holding you, kissing your cheeks, smelling you.  It's the small things, too.  I think about your hair.  It was so dark, Graham!  Would it have stayed that way?  Would you have been the only dark-headed person in our family? 

Parker and Daddy were playing catch outside the other day.  As I sat on the grass and watched them I couldn't help but wish you were there.  I'm sure you would have been mesmerized by all of the activity.  And I'm sure Bubba would have been running over every couple of minutes to hug and kiss on you.  He sure does love babies, and I know he would have been an awesome big brother to you.

We try to talk about you as much as possible.  I try to find ways to bring you up in conversations.  I hope it doesn't make other people uncomfortable, but I can't help it.  Parker has been talking about you, too, and sometimes when we least expect it.  We were driving to church the other day when he asked me if I thought Jesus was being nice to you.  I assured him that Jesus was so much nicer and better than even we, your family, could be to you.  I know you are so well taken care of.  He also told me that he misses his baby.  I tried to clarify what baby he was talking about, but I found out he meant you!  He said that he didn't want you to be in Heaven anymore - he wanted you at home with us!

Oh, Graham, I wish you were at home with us, too.  I know deep in my heart that Heaven is so much better than life here on earth, but my human heart still longs for you here.  I'm sure you feel so much better, though.  You were so sick, baby.  I'm so thankful that you must feel so much better. 

I hope you know what sort of impact you have made here on earth.  The number people you have touched in your 4 short hours of life.  I sure hope God has told you all about it.  More than anyone else, though, you have touched our family - me, Daddy, and Bubba - greatly.  Our testimony of God's faithfulness and mercies through even these dark times is one we hope to share for as long as we are here on earth.

My memories and thoughts of your birthday three months ago are starting to go fuzzy.  I can't remember every detail like I thought I would - and it's frustrating.  But I could never forget how beautiful you were.  And how very proud of you I was.  I loved showing you off to anyone who was there. 

One thing that I realized just the other day, Graham, is that you will always be my baby.  Parker is growing up so quickly and wriggles out of my grasp when I try to snuggle with him.  But you, Graham, will always be my sweet baby.  I love you for that, and a million other reasons.

Miss you, Bubba.  Can't wait to hold you again...

Love,

Momma