Last summer was a tough time for the Dugans. In June, Matt had another kidney stone surgery. Short story: He is very talented at making large kidney stones and not being able to pass them on his own. This is nothing new for us, but it was the first time for Matt to have surgery with Parker here. So, he had to stay on his own at the hospital while I went home and took care of Parker. The end of June we found out that I was pregnant. And it was an absolute shock! We went to youth camp and I was only 5 weeks pregnant. And it was HOT. And I was tired.
When we got back from youth camp I began experiencing the "fun" first trimester issues - especially nausea. And it was pretty bad this time around. The second week of July Matt had another surgery, this time for a hernia on his side - where his kidney stone removal surgeries had taken place in years past. This surgery was not an easy recovery - it required Matt to be out of work for 4 weeks. And no lifting. Did I mention I was early pregnant and really nauseous? Or that Parker was 2? Or that we lived on the second floor? Or that we had to, you know, buy groceries and carry them up stairs? And that it was blazing hot? And that I was working full-time? And training a new person? And that it was really, really hot?
OK - I am complaining about stuff that happened a whole year ago. Sorry about that. But, there were many times last summer that I kept on saying, "I can't wait for October!" You know why? Because it wouldn't be hot anymore. And I would be done with my first trimester and over the nausea. And Matt would be healed from his surgeries and able to help out around the house again. And Matt would also be able to work again. And I would actually look pregnant, not just pudgier than normal. And the new person at work would be trained.
Y'all, I was pining away for October. I spoke of it with such adoration.
Do you know what happened in October?
Well, let's back up a week. The last Sunday of September Matt, along with our Pastor, were fired from our church. And it was yucky. And hurtful.
And then the next Monday, October 3rd, Matt had to have another kidney stone surgery. Thankfully it was only day surgery, because the next day, Tuesday, October 4th, we were going to see my OBGYN in order to find out the gender of our baby. And we will always remember that day, for our world was shaken and forever changed when we found out about how sick Graham was. We ended up spending 2 weeks of October in Houston having multiple tests done, along with a shunt placement surgery on Graham while he was in utero.
So, as it turned out, October was one of the worst months of our lives.
This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6:34
I don't know what your "October" is. It may be a new job, or a new house, or when your debt is paid off, or when you're done with school. But here's something I learned - looking to the future and putting perfect expectations on it doesn't jive with scripture.
What does God have for me today? What do I need to be focusing on, working on, or telling others about today? Because if I'm looking toward October, and not today, then I may find it come up empty. October may be awful. October may not look the way I planned. And, October may never even come.
Truthfully, I don't have this whole "focusing on today" thing down. There are some things that Matt and I are looking to in the near future, and I am thinking, "As soon as this happens, then I'll be happy and content." I am ready for Matt to be done with school. I am ready to see where we end up after graduation. I am ready, and this is a hard one to put out there, to have another baby.
But here's my prayer: More than that, Lord, I am ready for what you have for me today.
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