For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
Well, here I am - in the second trimester finally! I am 13 weeks pregnant with Baby Dugan #3. This is probably about the part of the pregnancy that people stop worrying so much about something going wrong and settle in for "smooth sailing." I mean, once you get past the worry of a miscarriage, everything is good, right?
Well, that's what I used to think. And honestly, before I had my first pregnancy and the subsequent miscarriage, I didn't even think an early miscarriage was a risk for me. I think back about my ignorance and wonder why I felt like I was so untouchable. That miscarriages, and later on, infant loss, happened to other people. Surely not me. *insert appropriate cliche here about not speaking too soon, or hindsight is 20/20, etc, etc*
But I look back on the loss of Graham and see how much 1) the Lord prepared me for losing him and 2) He carried me through when the obstacle before me seemed insurmountable.
All that to say - I am worried.
I know I shouldn't be. I know that I'm not in control. I know there's nothing that I can do. I know the Lord will continue to be faithful.
I feel like the Lord taught us so much through the loss of Graham that I don't want to forget. I want to apply those truths to my life. That is why we told people we were pregnant a little earlier than I felt comfortable doing. We decided to announce it via Christmas card, but I was still so worried that it was too soon. That we were jinxing ourselves. Like that can really happen. UGH!
But then I had to step back and realize that:
1) There is a baby in my belly. Our baby. And this life should be celebrated, no matter how short or long it is.
2) We learned firsthand how real the power of prayer is. Why would we not want more people praying for this precious life to grow strong and healthy?
3) We suffered a pretty public loss with Graham. I feel like so many of you walked this road with us, and deserve to know about this new life, too.
The innocence of pregnancy has been long-gone for the Dugan family, but we are grateful for another baby. We are praying so fervently to be able to bring this baby home with us, but regardless, Blessed be the Name of the Lord!
